Application Essay to Hood College's Thanatology Program

When I was very young, I attended the funeral of my great-grandpa, of which I do not remember much.  A few years later, when another family member died, I went to that funeral, where I was puzzled by the sound of laughter. Everything I had come to understand about a funeral, garnered mostly from television, was that it was somber and sad, with lots of crying, black clothing, and ladies’ hats with bits of netting on them. I cornered an adult cousin and demanded to know how people could laugh at a funeral. The cousin explained that there were happy memories to go with sad ones, and if all people did at a funeral was cry, that would be truly terrible. She gave me an age-appropriate answer that was clear, concise, and compassionate.  It has stayed with me all my life.

Over the years, others in my large, extended family died. Some were old, some young. Some died unexpectedly, others after long illnesses.  Always there was a funeral and always there was silence, laughter, tears, even a fistfight.  There were people to talk to about death -and life. More importantly, there was more than one way to mourn.  Everyone understood there were no bad or wrong feelings; you could feel however you felt.  Acting on those feelings could be a little tricky, but aside from my family, most people realize a fistfight is not an appropriate expression of grief. However, I have come to see that most people may not be sure what an appropriate action actually IS.

To me, it seems in American society, people do not know what to do, how to mourn, or how to cope with death and dying. We have relegated the end of life to a corner of a hospital room and funerals to an industry. Our understanding comes from the fiction of television, so-called “experts”, the Internet or most sadly, no resources at all.

Without someone to talk to about how life ends, we condemn ourselves to an unbearable burden, for without  discourse, we cannot have the self-determination  that gives meaning to the choices pertinent to the end of life, things such as  physical care during dying, legal matters, or the selection of funerary rites. These choices are portentous because they must align with our most intimate convictions.

My family was extraordinary and unique in its ability to cope straightforwardly, honestly and sometimes even humorously with dying and with death.  Most people, however, are lost in silence and isolation when it comes to the of end of life.

My goal in enrolling in the Thanatology program is this:  I wish to repay a debt to those who have comforted me in my times of loss by serving those who did not have a family such as mine. Moreover, I wish to be a helpmeet for those who would otherwise struggle in isolation and silence when faced with the processes of death and dying and with the often difficult decisions associated with them.